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Surviving Mother’s Day When Trying To Conceive

Posted by Dr Fertility on

Mother’s Day (along with every other special date) is often a really tough day when you are still desperately trying to have the baby you are longing for. There are constant reminders in shops, on TV, on social media and the marketing emails you receive on a daily basis.

sarah-banks-fertility-coachI remember all too well that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach on Mother’s Day, wishing I was ‘in the club’. It would be a sad reminder that last Mother’s Day I’d hoped I’d have my baby by this Mother’s Day. Everywhere I looked people were happily flaunting pictures of their precious little ones stating how lucky they were.

I understand how hard it is, so please know that you are not alone in how you are feeling, that it is completely normal to feel like that and that it’s essential to look after yourself emotionally.

It is so important on triggering days like this to focus on self-care and the things you do have, rather than the things you don’t. It is easier to cope with things when you are feeling stronger emotionally and taking care of yourself.

Below are some tips to help you get through Mother’s Day. I know how tough it can be, so take small steps and do what you need to do to get through it.

Be kind to yourself — allow yourself to feel however you feel, don’t beat yourself up over feeling sad/jealous/upset, it’s ok and perfectly normal to feel these things. Just acknowledge it and do things that make you feel nice and that make you smile. It’s so important to remember that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

Avoid social media – unfortunately, Mother’s Day is one of the days of the year where social media is full of posts and pictures, so maybe have a day off scrolling Instagram and Facebook to protect yourself. By the time you log back on the posts should be old news.

Celebrate your own mums – it’s the perfect day to focus on your own mums and making them feel special. Maybe book in doing something nice with your mum/mother in law, like a day trip, a meal out or afternoon tea. I’m sure they would love spending time with you and the focus being on them.

If you don’t have a close relationship with your mums, they don’t live locally or sadly they are not around anymore, you could have a day out together celebrating your relationship and having some time alone together. Plan a trip or something you’ve wanted to do for a while so that it is a nice day for you.

You could do something to celebrate and remember them. Maybe think about what you used to love to do together, light a candle, spend some time thinking about them in a happy way and celebrate the time you had with them.

Family events/meals out – Mother’s Day is often a time where families get together to celebrate. If you have got a big family meal planned and you are worried about it being triggering or comments being made, you could maybe:

- Speak to family members before (if you are comfortable to) to say you would prefer it if you didn’t talk about babies, IVF, treatment etc as it is upsetting, and you want to focus on your mum. Maybe speak to someone you are very close to who could change the subject if it gets uncomfortable.

- Set a time limit to be there and create an excuse for you to leave at a certain time if you need to. That way you know you just have to keep it together for that amount of time before you can leave. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your family, it’s just that you’re protecting yourself and your emotions.

- Nip to the loo for a breather if you’re struggling. Take some deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. It will help to calm you and give you a few minutes to yourself.

- Plan in something you enjoy or that makes you smile for that day too, so you have something to look forward to.

If it’s too hard to go for a family meal due to the way you are feeling or you’re at a particular point in your cycle where you are feeling vulnerable and wobbly, maybe make your excuses and say you can’t go. Explain how you feel, that you love them but it’s hard to be out with a large group at the minute. You can arrange to see them separately to celebrate so that you are protecting yourself.

Focus on you as a couple

- Have a day out together celebrating your relationship and what you love about each other. Maybe think about places to go to that are not as child-friendly so that you don’t have to worry about being surrounded by little ones all day.

- Maybe agree to limit the time you talk about babies and trying to get pregnant today, focus on you as a couple and what you love about each other.

- Recognise that you are doing all you can to become parents and that you can’t expect any more of yourselves.

Think of the things you do have, not what you don’t have. Write a thankful list for all the things in your life that are important/special that you are thankful for — close family, strong relationship, great friends, fulfilling job etc. It doesn’t have to be big things, it is just good to focus on the positive things.

Use your support system — if you are having a bad day, call a friend or family member that understands and just say you are feeling sad and just need a hug or someone to listen to you. There are support groups that are a great source of support and understanding. Just click this link to join my Facebook support group ‘Surviving Infertility’.

You are not alone in how you are feeling, I know how tough the day can be and its perfectly normal to feel wobbly. Protect yourself emotionally, do what you need to do to get through the day and celebrate how amazing you already are. If you are really struggling please reach out – there are lots of people who understand, who won’t judge you and will send you a big virtual hug xx

 

About Sarah Banks - 

Sarah is a Fertility Support Consultant. She works with Fertility professionals to enhance their patient experience and success rates by helping them create a strong emotional support service. To find out how she can support your clinic, email sarah@sarahbanks.coach or visit her website for more information www.sarahbanks.coach.


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